Lore and Order aka Battier Times
by Stainless Steel Fox
Summary: Another deleted scene from 'Good Times, Bat Times.' How did Winifred really get from the laundrette to prison? This explores one possible option.


I was re-reading the transcript of 'Good Times, Bat Times' (ultimate respect to Roy Neal Grissom who wrote it up) when I came across this part.

"Hang on!" says Gadget, as the Bagpipe Express is now caught in the pull of Freddie's vacuum cleaner. "It's an ill wind that blows no one any good!" Winifred observes menacingly as she snatches the moon rock out of the air and then proceeds to finish vacuuming the Rangers out of their aircraft and into the vacuum cleaner's canister. The back of the canister immediately pops open, depositing them on the floor before the looming form of Winifred, whose powers are once again enhanced by the moon rock. "Farewell, small fry!" she says menacingly.

"Not so fast, Freddie!" This time it is Dale's voice. She turns to find Foxglove once again hovering over her precious potion. Dale is holding onto one of her feet with one hand and prominently displaying a bolt in

the other. "It's time we added a little spice to this spell!" he says. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Winifred screams, dropping the moon rock onto the floor. But too late. Dale drops the bolt into the kettle with the greatest satisfaction. The screen fills up with a bolt of magical energy and the scene then shifts to the inside of a penitentiary.

"And when you're done scrubbin' the floors, you can start washin' the windows!" a guard with a slight Irish accent tells Winifred, who is now wearing prison stripes and standing once again with a mop and bucket of water. "If I were you, Freddie, I'd get busy."

"Don't call me Freddie!" she says after he has left, "Ummm, flubberin' floor polishers!"

Thus, we do not know the details of Freddie's final capture by the police or her trial. We do not even know for sure the immediate result of the magical energy that flashed across the screen when Dale dropped the bolt into the potion. These are all passed over and left to the imagination.

It does seem a mite convenient, so I just had to write…

****

Lore and Order – or what really happened to Freddie during that missing moment.

The flash subsided to leave a smoking ruin of a pot, ripped open like a trumpet style flower. The whole laundromat was worse for wear, fittings askew and windopws shattered. Freddie looked even more dreadful than usual, hair blasted, sooty and smoking slightly. Unfortunately for the remaining Rangers she was still conscious, and holding the moon rock. The bulk of the Rangers are lying dazed by the vacuum cleaner and the courageous Foxglove and Dale are lying equally dazed upon a wrecked rafter.

"My spell… My wonderful spell…" Winifred stood there, mumbling to herself, and then her expression turned into pure rage. "Well I still got the moon rock, and so I've enough to destroy you wretched rodents and that double-crossing bat. Time for some of my old school magic…" She raises her scrubbing brush wand to point it at the helpless Chip, Gadget Monty and Zipper. It started to glow green. Aveda…

"Expeliarmus! came another voice, and a blast of energy knocked the scrubbing brush and moon rock out of Winifred's hands. Another bolt came accompanied by a different voice. Petrificus Totalis! Freddie froze up like a statue.

Out of the shadows came a man and a woman, both dressed in identical, and rather odd clothes. Their hats were black, rimless, pointed and unadorned apart from the brass U.S shield. Their full length black robes were equally unadorned, belted at the waist and open across the chest to show clean white business shirts and black ties. The man held out an open wallet in which a licence embossed with the American Eagle showed.

"US Department of Magic, Lore Enforcement." As he said this the Eagle flapped it's wings and screeched. "I'd tell you to freeze, but it's a bit redundant."

"Do you have to use that joke very time?" The woman shook her head and immediately moved over to the fallen wand and performed an incantation over it. "Hmmm… It's clean, no booby traps. I'll check what she's been doing. Priori Incantatem!"

Meanwhile the man had pulled out a plain, double sided hand mirror and held it up to the frozen witch. "So lets see who you are Miss…" The mirrors black rim glowed with arcane golden symbols for a moment then the image of a sheet of parchment with a moving photo of a slightly younger, but no more pretty Winifred stapled in one corner. "Miss Winifred Aster… Uh huh…"

The woman came back, sealing the scrubbing brush and the moon rock in plastic evidence bags by the expedient of waving a sober black wand over them. "Okay, what's the damage?"

"Looks like little Miss Aster is a squib, sorry, magically impaired witch. Has quite a rap sheet too. Theft of minor enchantment items from her family, bound over, breaking parole, illegal use of class 2 enchantment items against muggles, acquisition of a home wand making kit (that's class 1), theft of muggle items, to wit a vacuum cleaner from a shop called Fantastic Mechanics, and two days ago she buzzed a crowd of people in the city park using it and there's more…"

"Add to that the moon rock theft from the local museum, felonious assault through transfiguration, though oddly she later reversed it, attempting a forbidden power enhancement ritual and she was in the middle of an Unforgivable when we stopped her."

The man looked surprised. "How… oh, the moon rock."

"That's right. Muggle affairs should get a move on and replace every bit with synthesised duplicates. It's too easy to use as a magical amplifier. But I scanned the area as we came in. She's the only human, wizard or muggle within two blocks."

"I'll ask her. Without the rock or her wand she's harmless."

The Rangers were awake during the last part of this exchange, but not quite mobile, except for Dale and Foxglove who'd moved with the blast not caught by it. Out of sight of the three humans she glided down, holding him, well it was more falling with style. Dale immediately rushed over to the others, followed by Foxy.

The man turned to the still immobilised Winifred. "Miss Winifred Aster, you have the ruight to remain silent, you have the right not to be placed under soothsaying spells, you have the right to a loremaster…"

When hed' finished the magical version of the Miranda, he waved his wand and Winifred's head was suddenly free. She started cursing, "Moldering mopheads! You stuck up 'real wizards' robbed me of my revenge. You're just like all those idiotic trainers at the rehab clinic. 'Ohhh, you'll be able to do smaller spells eventually, now let's talk about your anger problems…'

"You sanctimonius soap buckets make me sick. I got away from it all your nice cliquey little wizarding world, used that obsfucation bracelet to drop out of sight, even got a muggle job as cover. Then I found that concealed section in the library… I was this close to being more powerful than any of you, and then those blasted rodents got in the way. And then there's that treacherous bat, she was supposed to be my assistant."

The woman looked down at the grouped Rangers and Foxglove, who froze. "Now that's kind of pathetic. Anyone can see they're not magical familiars, they're just ordinary animals." Despite the fact that she's looking straight at them, she doesn't seem to see the clothing or upright postures. "Look they're huddled together, scared stiff, poor things. Blaming your spell failures on innocent creatures."

"But that blasted bottlebrush of a chipmunk, the one with the print shirt, he sassed me and then dropped a bolt into the brew. And Foxglove helped, she's gone all lovey dovey over him. And then there's that blonde mouse and her flying bagpipes…"

Both the Aurors glanced down at the assembled Rangers and then burst out laughing. The man calmed down first. "Print shirt… blonde mice… flying bagpipes…please… if you're trying to get away on an insanity plea you'll have to do better. Just because a few people can talk to snakes… you talk to chipmunks… oh, and bats… and mice… and they're capable of planning and making things…"

The woman waved her wand around her head. Repareo Maximus! The blast damage vanished as a wave of cold light swept over it. The ruined cauldron and vacuum cleaner disappeared too. "Just in case that explosion was interfering with my divination, I'll get the local office to hit the entire city with a memory charm that will make anyone who saw us think of us as muggle police officers. Just to be safe."

"But… It's true…" Winifred was distraught, "Don't you see them?"

The man sighed. "The only thing I see, is that on your record you'll end up doing 10 to 20 in Arcanus Asylum up in Alaska. C'mon, let's get Miss 'One spell short of a Grimoire' back to Central."

The man and the woman stood side by side, holding Winifred between them. As one they chanted Aperio, and vanished.

The Rangers, looked back and forth at each other, stunned.

"Golly! What was that all about? They were acting like police. But they were…"

"Usin' magic, Gadget-luv? Now ya gotta admit that magic exists."

The mouse inventor shook her head. "No I'm sure there must be a rational explanation for what they did…"

There was a sudden ripple in the air.

Chip interjected. "What was unusual? The police arrived, took her into custody for stealing that moon rock and took her away. I'll admit they were fast, but that flash must have alerted them."

Gadget frowned, as if trying to remember something. "Umm… Yes, no… ohh, scratch what I said. Besides we have more important things to do." She turned to Foxy, who was being supported by Dale, and vice versa. "Thank you so much. You managed to save all of us!"

Dale was grinning proudly. "That's Foxy for ya. She really came through for us."

Foxy used the wing supporting Dale to give him a hug. "Why thank you cute stuff!" Then she started looking a little hangdog. "But it's all my fault you were in danger in the first place." She started to shift onto her own two feet. "I can understand if you don't want me around after this…"

Dale turned and got hold of both her wingtips. "Now just hoooooold everything. Like I said earlier, friends don't desert friends. And I think being your friend would be grrreat!"

She blushed and glomphed onto him. The others joined in their congratulations and good wishes. Then the whole group headed off towards the Bagpipe Express. Their voices could be overheard, afding off into the distance. "Y'know Foxy, that gliding trick you did was fun. Y'think you could teach me. I make a mean paper aeroplane."

"Golly Dale I can whip you up a proper hang glider in a jiff…"

And having thus neatly tied up all the loose ends, I close… No wait...

In the now empty laundromat, something stirred. The lid of a cardboard box opened and two figures clambered out. The shorter, bulky figure held up an arm and a red LED light flashed on, illuminating the immediate area.

"Look's like the coast is clear, Woody."

"That's a relief. The last thing we needed to do was get caught in some sort of crossfire between humans and some talking animals. Who knew? C'mon Buzz, we got to find the way back to Andy."

"I still feel it should have been my duty to intervene."

"That's how we ended up here! You jumping out of Andy's backpack to stop that puppy crossing the road. I admit it was the right thing to do, but we toys can't do everything. Well at least this time we know where we're going…" They wander off.


End file.
